I am 37 years old and for the past 5-6 months I have been getting very strong urges that it is time to begin having a family. I have a wonderful boyfriend but we have had a very unstable relationship over the past 5 years. We love each other but he has been going through a pretty significant Neptune transit which has resulted in him being quite confused over where he wants to call “home”. I am from Canada and he is from Iran. He has gone back and forth from his home country throughout our relationship. Financially, we are also not very prepared to begin a family as he is just beginning to think about starting his own business. I have gone through my own significant transits, Pluto square Pluto recently and have come to the realization that I no longer expect “marriage” and perhaps some of the “traditional” trimmings of relationships and that if we have a child, it may be left mostly in my hands to provide the care as neither of us have a lot of family where we live. I have spoken to him about having children and he said he will think about it. I know though that if I continue to have conversations with him about this issue, likely it will happen for me. On the surface, it appears that I am very unprepared financially and socially to begin having a family. Some of my career and travel plans will also need to be altered if I go through with the decision to have one. But how can I ignore this growing urge inside? Can you provide some guidance?
Thank You, L
I don’t know of a way nor do I recommend ignoring the growing urge inside. This might be your Moon in Pisces in the 12th wanting to do the ignoring, but your Taurus Sun conjunct Saturn in the 1st is not willing to put on blinders. In fact, as a Taurus you already seem to be pretty far along with the project, with your natural sense of the scope of work, time and money entailed.
You seem to have a realistic sense of your boyfriend’s life intention in the moment as you said he is not sure where he wants to live and he is about to start a business. There is a possibility that even if he will be in the same country as you, it could be that most of his time will be devoted to the business. You seem to be aware that he has not given you any signal to prioritize or be the driving force in this project.
Therefore, I would proceed knowing that when a child is born, so are legal and emotional rights. I would make sure that you have 100% custody of the child, so you have the freedom to live wherever you want and send your child to whatever school you want. If your boyfriend wants equal custody, I would consider developing a contract stating the terms with the amount of support, and the agreement to a common lifestyle with the child and you. A child has the moral and emotional right to see its father, but a child cant buy the plane ticket on its own for the first couple decades of its life. An international lifestyle adds financial and emotional expenses. If a contract with your boyfriend seems impossible to get on paper, this will be the sign that you are the sole project manager.
I write this way to you because you are a Taurus with Saturn conjunct. I think delving into the responsibilities will shed a lot of light on you and your boyfriend and your levels of commitment and make it clear why this is an urge you will be happy to explore.
In terms of the astrology, both of you have strong Saturn aspects to your Suns and both of you have Sun and Moon respectively connecting to Neptune. I think in the highest light you will both benefit greatly as individuals when setting boundaries in the relationship. It is also as if something you have in common is seeing your lives as both a documentary as well as a romance. It may be that your way as a couple is to acknowledge that there are a couple of movies playing at once, and this could be fun considering how seriously both of you take responsibilities once you decide to commit.
Thanks for writing, Yours, Deirdre.
Artwork, acrylic on paper, by Camilla, age 5.
Camilla did this painting during an unplanned visit yesterday as I was writing this post.