I’m trying very hard to approach love with integrity, and open heart. . . I do long for an intimate partner. I dearly would love to be a mom. The bad boys just really aren’t working for me anymore and at the thought of meeting Mr. Nice Guy I kind of freak out. Boring? Not exciting? Entrapping? Can’t relate?
Can you tell me how I will fare in love if I keep up like this? The guys I want never seem to come in the “nice guy” body – the nice guy being, one who treats me well, is capable of intimacy and wants commitment and a family. Is there something I’m not seeing? Am I going to meet my match or do I just really need to compromise if I want the husband/good dad type. Will I ever be able to connect with a “nice guy” or am I forever doomed to be passionate/in love with bad boys.
I see several indicators in your chart of ways to settle into the partnership for which you are longing. I also see what you have been battling against and I will tell you what I see regarding this so that you can bring your awareness and feel proud of all the hurdles you have jumped successfully.
Self Confidence Can Change History
The main, main, main issue is self confidence. The proportion to which you will be gaining self esteem in the next couple of years, will show the degree of upgrade of your next boyfriend, this is guaranteed and completely controlled by you. This is Chiron in the 2nd house. 2nd house is self worth. And there you have Mars conjunct Chiron in Aries. Aries is intercepted in the 2nd house, do you see that? Pisces is on the cusp of the second, all of the sign Aries is in the 2nd and Taurus is on the 3rd house cusp.
What this does is make Aries and the planets in Aries a bit out of reach, like objects in the mirror are further than you think, so the maintenance around confidence requires special care. With Mars conjunct Chiron you will stand up for your self, but it is not easy. I think the motivation of wanting to have a baby and knowing you don’t want to be 60 when this happens is throwing your second house (read: self esteem) into gear. You are not willing to get yourself in a heart wrenching situation again.
There is a theory, that if you fix Chiron, you can fix your chart, it’s like the master key. The trick is Chiron is often a blind spot, especially in your chart with the interception. That I am telling you this, maybe it feels weird, like well what do you do about it? Well, here is what: What makes you feel good about yourself? Do that, and do a lot of that.
Getting Involved with Groups
To me it looks like you are a bit of an eccentric person (!) and don’t mind going off the beaten path yet still actively invloved with humanity and groups, that’s the Aquarius rising, Moon conjunct Uranus, Jupiter and Mercury in the 11th as well as Venus in Aquarius. This is why I think self esteem can partially come from 11th house activities.
11th house is groups, and goals. Make a fantasy 10-year plan where you get EVERYTHING you want. Everything. Include your ideal man, your babies, the schools, your travels your income, live this fantasy, because with this plan your self confidence goes up.
If you work alone, it is good to have a group or two to get you out of your head and out of your solitude. From your chart it looks like you can teach. What can you teach? Or what can you learn now that you will teach later? It should be something you love learning and something a little eccentric, which exactly fits you, it should be something Uranus driven, like astrology, or a protest political group, or an environmental group, or something sticking up for women or founding a funny little coffee house in the woods where you want to live with your man someday anyway. Is it a church? Is it yoga? Is it dance? Is it square dancing or country two stepping? Be in this group or these groups. The people are important. Having Venus in Aquarius is very pretty and elegant too, and in the first house, so play this up, this is part of your attracting powers — lovely yummy looking fashions etc, use this ability with intention to be attracted to whom you want to be, so you get the results you want within groups.
Saturn in 7th House Transit Survivor
The last few years must have taught you a lot about partnership, because Saturn had been going through your 7th and now it is in your 8th. Your letter to me is testimony to someone who has just had Saturn transit through her natal chart. You want to cut to the chase and be in relationship and position yourself to engage in a lovely supportive partnership. This is important, so you will keep that vision.
Having Sun in the 12th (maybe dad had some addictive natures and was unpredictable, the square to Uranus) has not made finding a guy easy. Because of that and Saturn retrograde, those two aspects are often signs of an absentee father who could not be present, though that may not have been his intention. It must not have felt very good, but that was then. With your awareness, you can change this old mindset. It takes strong strong will power. It takes Mars in Aries, which luckily you have.
You are having a heavy duty transit RIGHT NOW: transiting Chiron is conjunct your natal Venus, Right now Chiron is positioned at 20° Aquarius. When you were born Venus was at 20 ° Aquarius. I think of this transit as the last heart break. It’s like having a heart break which is the sum of all the past heartbreaks which may or may not be triggered by a love relationship, it is just triggered because it is time, and it’s heavy, isn’t it. This is like a homeopathic remedy, a state of heightened awareness. You can learn a lot that will stay with you permanently.
Self Confidence Helps Heal Heartbreak
You may be feeling the waves of this Chiron Conjunct Venus transit during the course of 2008 until early 2009. This is a big project, you know, have you ever done a writing project that takes one year, but that you use for your self esteem for the next 10 years? That’s what this is like. 2008 is a time for fine tuning your beauty, reading about self esteem, thinking about what have been your greatest sources of self esteem in your life, and like a snow ball, roll through 2008 like a little self esteem snow ball and roll roll roll through more and more self esteem, having new friends learning something new, enjoying group dynamics, people finding out how smart you are, and the snow ball gets bigger bigger bigger, until you will so be in the habit of being a self esteem HOG that it will just be natural — and just think, lots of people live like this every day already.
You are a Capricorn. And this is a great year for Capricorns, there is a lot of movement. Jupiter is in your sign, use this year 2008 to expand your horizons. Stay in your power and be very aware of your aura, the energy field like 3 feet all around you, keeping your aura positive and attracting what you want. I do believe you will reap the benefits of the self confidence and self esteem work you do this year. Your bank account will reflect this next year.
Some Personal Chart-Based Confidence Boosters for You
1. when people notice you are a genius, or at least really really smart and funny too.
2. being in groups and being noticed for your extraordinariness
3. getting out any rage, punching bag anyone? Don’t be pleasant to the punching bag.
4. being pretty, wearing flowy fashions that show your body in a sophisticated way
5. having a connection to spirit
Yeah — having a connection to spirit. I say this because of the Neptune at the Midheaven, this comes naturally to you. On one hand this is a need to work alone, but with your Aquarius and all the Uranus stuff you need groups, too. So your days will ideally be: work work work alone most likely, for interesting clients, stop working at 5 and do spare time stuff. Be in groups for hobby purposes, for something you really enjoy.
Envisioning Partnership as Antithesis to Isolation
You ask if you will find someone to whom you are attracted and is still nice, my sense is start with your attractive self, be nice to yourself and expand to your community, be nice to them, the rest will fall into place. Your chart is so social, I see you and a partner integrated in community not isolated at all. This is the combination of Moon in Libra conjunct Uranus and Juno. I think the more you travel in circles which are meaningful to you, the more likely you will meet someone who has common interests, someone who will find it natural to share community with you, someone nice, to whom you will be attracted.
Much love to you
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