I am a woman who fell in love with a man who was not my husband (I’ve been married for 13 years, to someone I met in highschool who has always been my family, but not the kind of partner/lover I now crave). This man I fell in love with was only an acquaintance and I never believed he was romantically interested in me, but he did open up a world for me — the world of my own desire — that had not been a part of my consciousness prior to knowing him. For two years now, I’ve been trying to find the feelings that I felt within his presence within myself, to no avail. I’m looking for thoughts, advice, chart-based wisdom, experience-based wisdom about how to transform my longing into something that will ultimately bring me more joy. Part of what I felt with this person was a longing to be known — deeply known. He is a Scorpio with Pisces moon. My husband is a Libra with Gemini moon. I felt an emotional connection with this other guy that I don’t believe I will ever achieve with my husband.
I truly want to use this painful, though awakening experience, to change myself in the best way possible.
In astrology, we would say your marriage is nearing its half Saturn Return, like a seven-year itch times two. At a half Saturn Return we take realistic stock of what we have and desire full value. A couple years ago you had a wonderful magical mystery ride which I feel was part of a series of valuable adventures. With your marriage and with your lover, both were instances where the other person played a significant though different roll in who you are, but the constant is really you. My sense is you have a deep longing to be aware of yourself.
You said the man you met was only an acquaintance. I think as well he could have been reflecting part of your subconscious mind with which you are also getting acquainted, isnt that cool? This is about you — not him.
You’ve got a LOT of Pisces: Mercury, Juno, Moon, North Node, Ceres, Sun, and Venus all in Pisces. This may make it hard sometimes to know what is the difference between you and the other person, because you are able to merge so completely. So far, all of your Pisces stellium has been conjuncted by transitting Uranus. The last piece remaining will be that conjunction of Uranus and Venus coming up in 2009 and 2010, so pace yourself.
You may have recently felt a shift when Uranus left your 4th house this year and entered your 5th house. You may feel a lot more independence than you have in a while. The way for you to go deeper into yourself now will be through creativity, because that is something you keep forever and no one can take it away from you, it’s yours and it is you. With a Uranus transit through the 5th, I would say take a class, or join a life drawing group so you can bring creativity and people together. I am not sure in which directions your creative talents are but it’s time to explore, go crazy, break the rules and have fun. Whatever creative interests you have, it’s time to put them on the table, and I guarantee, that the adventures you experience with your art and creativity, will be the key to unlocking secret and unknown aspects of yourself. The people who cheer you on this creative path will deeply know you, as you deeply know yourself.