A painful family issue from my past is haunting me and I am looking for a way to break the cycle. I feel challenged in living out my life an individual yet still find peace of mind as a woman, a mother and a wife in Asian society where I live. Don’t get me wrong I love being a mother and a wife, it’s just that I feel there is a lot which I do not express partly because Asian culture is group and family oriented, and not always so much accepting of individual expression, especially from a woman.
When I was 12 years old, my mother left me and my three sisters. She left us to work abroad. I went through adolescence alone. The memories are not clear to me, but as I was getting a little older but while I was still younger I became a political activist because of my concern for society. I went to university and my mother paid for it. Later on I got a regular job, got married and had four children who are all teenagers now. I have always worked because I cannot just leave all the financial responsibility to my husband.
To back up 20 years, the first time I saw my mother again after she left us when I was 12, was nine years later, when I was 21 and went to the U.S. When I saw my mother again there, I saw parallels. Many decisions I had made alone in her absence were actually influenced by my childhood when I was with her, particularly the political activism.
But I was determined to do what my mother did not. Although I was not even aware of this myself, I made a secret pact from and with myself, that no matter what, I will never leave my children because I know the pain of being left behind.
I never entertained the idea of going abroad to study or expand my career. But now, I have a strong urge to “leave”, not to abandon my family, but to travel and do other things I want to do, however, I know I cannot just decide to do this, because of what I promised myself.
My question is: How can I move forward?
Scorpio at 42
Dear Scorpio at 42,
I can imagine the parallel you may feel with your mother. I can also imagine that the last thing you want to do is to hurt your children, as you ended up being hurt when your mother had to travel for her work.
With all due respect to you, this could be something you may not be able to see objectively because of your wounding at a tender age. You can feel confident that you are not your mother, and your children are not you. Also today’s times are not like the times back then. For example, for your mother to have kept in touch, she would have had to write a letter that might take weeks to arrive. Technology did not allow for the economic spontaneity that internet telephoning, as with skype for example, does today. Because of the internet, you can even see your kids and be seen by them if you want with video. Your awareness of this issue will assure that your children will experience your travels differently than you experienced your mom’s traveling.
In terms of the astrology, your chart is filled with extreme tension and this is happening now, even today. You were born with a Saturn – Uranus opposition and right now in our cosmos the same and rare opposition is forming again. Saturn is tradition and Uranus is a breaking with tradition and this message is important to you as an individual and to all of us, including your kids right now.
In your chart, Saturn is in your first house and Uranus is in the 7th. You may feel pressure sometimes to work in an almost dry military way. With Saturn in the 7th, this indicates that you may have picked a partnership situation which gives you a lot of space. This is your opposition. You can see this opposition highlighted by the hypotenuse of the blue triangle in the chart. If you follow from your opposition in the inner circle, to the outer circle, you can see, that the Saturn – Uranus opposition is back. This is extremely rare, that it would land exactly where yours was at birth. and the way it aligns is in reverse, Saturn today is where your Uranus was when you were born, and Uranus is where your Saturn was when you were born.
What this says to me is, it is time to work with your fears differently than you ever have before. 2009 – 2010 is a chance of a lifetime for you to be free of your fears. This is your chance, to do things differently. I am also a mother, and I know how it is as mothers we give ourselves happily and unselfishly, this is something we feel to our core. In your chart, there is a suggestion not to give yourself completely away, as this could take away some of your strength. This is symbolized by Chiron in the first house, which is together mixed in with your Saturn – Uranus opposition. With Chiron here it is very important to set your self free in a way that you still feel responsible.
If you need to travel, make a plan. Tell your children exactly where and for how long. If you don’t know exactly where or for how long, then tell them why you don’t know these things, but you will make it clear as soon as you know. Make a plan that they visit you or even bring you there to see where you are and what your are doing. Make your children an active part of your freedom. You will all be in new territory, but their memory will be of their brave, generous, adventurous mother. They can be proud to have such a responsible and caring mother like you. What can you give your children symbolically that will hold you together during your time apart. Do they already have their own cell phones? If not what about a family set all in the same special color. What about a new long distance package which lets them call you direct to wherever you are with no additional costs. Can you rotate and bring one child at a time with you. Can you ask them who is interested in visiting you? How can you include your children, so that their memory empowers them as young people and eventually adults. You can be a role model that we can be responsible and independent at the same time.
I believe this is a chance to re-write the myth of your family and to heal the pain from your past as well. Now more than ever you have the power to focus your fears and be free of the anxiety you have experienced in the past. I feel confident that your journeys are just as important to you, as they are for the well-being of your children and your family as well.
Click here to find out more about this illustrator at Golden Wood Studio, Ruth Sanderson.